Not So Secret Admirer

The tectonic plates tend to shift the terra firma
 inside of me when you walk by.

Mixed with pride, professionalism, and feelings of inadequacy,
 I do everything I can to avoid you while my job keeps me passing by you.
Being near you.
Everytime I am, I feel I get a glimpse of everything
 that I could ever want
 in another human being.

Let me slide gender aside for the space of time
that it takes my mind to recognize

that even if you weren't the most beautiful girl in the world
you carry the paragon

of what human beings should aspire to be
both as physical creatures and as spiritual entities.

The confidence that radiates
from your very footsteps
leaves prints of those steps in my mind.

Let me rewind time and
find the sublime rhyme that
would give justice
to this experience of mine

Because you make my heart go

hip, hop, hibbie, hibbie to the hip hip hop

it dont stop rockin to tha bang bang boogie

so up jumped my heart to the rhythm of THAT boogedie beat.

Only difference is that this IS a test.
One that I doubt I can best.
Believe that this restlessness

takes hold of all of my insecurities and fears.
And forces me to come face to face with myself.

I have no choice but to hold myself accountable
for the person that I am today.
For procrastinating my life away.
For not feeling ready today
 to step up to the plate, look right at you and say....

What would I even have to say?
Hi? I hope you're having a good day?

Because people like you make my day great.
You are so mindshatteringly breathtaking
that after months of barely writing anything
I have the unflinching need
to write a poem about things I could

never dream of saying to you out loud
but that need to get out
and be spoken and heard, even if its just through spoken word
so that I dont scream and explode. So I breathe and emote
and do my best to be true
to...whatever higher power
or inner power I feel accountable to.
I know its somewhere.
This over-soul,
this god that I pray to.

This watchful parent that I carry inside of me,
that fills me with gratitude for things like you
and with the need to improve
when I....need to improve.

That is what you've connected me to.
And most days I wish I was stronger,
and colder,
and too hard to be affected in this way by you
or the few other things that make me feel this way too.

But its who I am.
And I cannot walk my journey in another man's shoes.
I'd be lost my whole life if I let myself choose
to live life as somebody else.
God knows I've tried,
and I'm constantly tempted.

But once in a while I find my faith resurrected.
And I practice integrity.

That’s why I'm here.
Instead of a night shift I'm working the mic.
Because even though money and raises are nice.
They dont give me release like I need to survive.
When I coexist in this world with angels like you.

I sing you a poem, and not-so-secretly, admire you.