Sometimes

Sometimes I just need to write to right my wrongs
Emotions too strong for broadway songs.

I shake and quake, tempted to act fake but too scared to tempt fate.

The best thing I can show
is the will to let go
of the steering mechanisms in my mind
as I try to find the truly sublime. A source of healing and light
inside the war that I fight: with myself, with the world, with my family and friends.
The end never ends and the oak never bends.
It just lets itself shatter when the wind howls its chatter,
unable to let flexibility of mind step in instead of stubborn obsession with control.

My heart beats faster. My blood pumps blasts
of  terrible evangelical hormonal chemicals
into the streams of my consciousness
dreams of monotonous routines
stepping aside to make way
for reams of paper

filled to the brink with savory

Ink that expresses what all other communication fails to sink

into the heart of humanity. At least as I perceive it.
I dish out my insanity, but theres no one to receive it

and translate the beauty from out of the chaos.

Its nobody’s duty, but still I would pay awesome

sums of money, sweat, tears, and blood

for someone who can take my fears from my gut
and lull me to sleep with a soft tender hand.
so I don’t wonder if tomorrow the power to stand
will be in me or not. My will’s in a knot;

noone here to untie me.
Im no Houdini though the thought passes by me

to pretend to be someone I’m not in order to further my plot

for world domination
so I can stop being the one caught

under the soles of your shoes.
I’m slanging the blues

In a black and white world
with no color, no hues of greener grass
on your side of the gate

is this our reality or is this my fate?
to be gasping for air, for just a chance to prepare

A life for myself? maybe one I can share

With somebody who'd care
when I’m glad, when I’m scared?

Somebody who’s there

With whom I can be bare.